Hey All,
And welcome to my new
blog! My first official online home where you can find out about me, my music,
upcoming gigs and events and my thoughts and feelings! Okay that’s the plugging
bit over.
They say the written word is a powerful thing, and I’m a firm believer in this. I can’t promise to move you, but I can promise to be me.
I’m sure my first post is supposed to be all about my music, what I’ve been up to, where you can hear me perform next and so on! However, I think it’s important that I start right here. Now, I realise I’ve given my first post a strange title but it’s exactly what I’m doing right now, even as I write; I’m taking a step of faith and ‘dipping my toes in the water’ starting with this post. It’s a funny sensation at first but I’m determined to get used to the feeling and fully submerge myself. Shall I explain that waffle?
Throughout the years I've had untold issues and obstacles get in the way of me pursuing my dreams; one of those dreams being my music. But if I sit down and truly take stock (which I finally have) I can honesty say that my biggest obstacle of all has been ME! It’s taken me years to admit this to myself let alone anyone else, but here goes!
FEAR
It’s
the ugliest most debilitating word in the English language if you allow it be. And
I allowed it to cripple me for many years in regards to my music. 'Am I good
enough', 'what will they think', 'isn't this just too risky', ‘do I know what I’m
doing’, ‘have I even got talent’. The truth is I never thought I was good enough, no matter what others thought or told me, the issues lived in my mind and I kept
them alive by feeding them what they needed to be fed so they kept me
away from one of the things I wanted to do most. I became so afraid of singing
that I wouldn’t even hum; I couldn’t sing in public and my throat would seize up
even amongst friends. I was afraid to listen to music, afraid to enjoy music; I
even became afraid of being afraid!! I know, it sounds ridiculous but it’s true!
The funniest thing of all is I hid all of this behind CONFIDENCE. Go
figure???
It took
my mum almost dying a few years ago for me to finally find my voice. I left the
hospital one night where mum lay fighting for her life, and knew I had to stop
at my friend Zem’s house. Once I got there I wasn’t sure what I was going to do,
but he picked up his guitar and I simply opened my mouth and sung. That night I recorded my first full song Eternity. This was solely inspired by my
mum who has always been my biggest cheer leader (and thankfully still continues
to be). In that instance I learned how to connect with a song emotionally and
SING. The words always came naturally, but this time they were a plea. Mum
finally got me to sing, in the most dramatic way possible, and in true Mummy
style might I add. I still kept it all to my self for quite some time but
continued to write; record and sing. And now here I am ready to
share.
Q) So
why now?
A) Because it’s time
A) Because it’s time
A) HELL YEAH – but the difference is I’m doing it anyway because I’ve got nothing to lose but my fear!
My fear of the mic grabs me daily. My brand new shiny obstacle is performing live (cue dramatic music) but I’m now determined to overcome this too…
Some people may hate me, some people
may like me (please do, please do!!) and others may just be indifferent; despite
all of this I know that it’s time for me to finally face my fears. So here goes to ‘dipping my toes in the
water', getting my feet wet and stepping out in faith. Once fully submerged, my
next challenge is learning how to swim.
